


Smiles

by bronweathanharthad



Category: The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: Drabble, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-26
Updated: 2015-01-26
Packaged: 2018-03-09 03:09:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3234035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bronweathanharthad/pseuds/bronweathanharthad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>a drabble about Frodo's waning happiness following his wounding with the Morgul-knife</p>
            </blockquote>





	Smiles

Sam knows almost as soon as Frodo wakes up that something is different.

    He had hoped that his master would make a full recovery, even though Frodo had never faced such a terrible ordeal. But his master was hardy, always quick to recover from any illness. Surely he would recover again, even though it might take a little longer?

    But it doesn't seem so. Frodo is much more serious, and Sam can plainly see the pain in his eyes. Frodo doesn't talk about it, and he was clearly uncomfortable when Sam asked how he was doing, and that makes Sam worry even more.

    What did that wound do to him? Why does it plague him even now, when he has been healed?

    Smiles become rare, genuine smiles rarer still. Frodo tries to act like he is all right, and maybe people who don't know him that well buy it, but Sam doesn't. There is something different in his master's voice, something that Sam can't quite identify but something that shakes him to his core.

 

Gandalf's fall affects Frodo even more. The sorrow shows on his face, and Sam cannot begin to imagine the depths of Frodo's sorrow.

    Now he looks somber all the time. He doesn't bother to pretend that he is all right. Sam wonders about the turmoil inside his master's head and wonders if Frodo will ever know peace again.

Sam is desperate to know what is wrong, but he dares not ask. He dares not upset Frodo any more.

 

When Frodo smiles once they and the Fellowship have parted ways, it is a gift. When he laughs a few days later, it is a miracle. Sam had wondered if his master had forgotten how to laugh, and he starts to wonder that again as the days pass.

    Frodo talks less and tires more quickly. He is too vigilant, his eyes darting about as if many threats are nearby. There are moments when Sam sees pure fear in his master's eyes. Sam is uncertain whether he himself should be more alert or whether Frodo's mind is merely being too active.

    Frodo's appetite diminishes, and he looks worn each morning, no matter how long they have rested. He does not speak of his burden unless Sam asks, and even then he speaks in vague, short sentences.

    Whenever they spot one of the Nazgûl, Frodo seems trapped in a soul-piercing fear that overpowers all reason. Sam does not know why Frodo reacts so strongly, and he thinks that he might not want to know. Perhaps Frodo's earlier ordeal left him more shaken than Sam could have guessed, or maybe it is the work of some new torment.

    Sam continues to hope that his master will fight till the end, but doubt begins to creep into his thoughts.

 

Every day another part of Frodo's old self fades away. He speaks less and less, and his spoken words become wearier and more pain-laden.

    The smiles go away altogether. Sometimes Frodo smiled in his sleep, but even that comes to an end. Instead he flinches and cries out in his sleep, and Sam doesn't know if Frodo's wakeful silence or his sleepy cries are worse.

Sam wonders how much longer it will be before he loses his master - no, his friend - for good.

 

Sam watches as the light leaves his friend's eyes. Soon, all too soon, nothing is left. Frodo is no longer Frodo, but a lifeless vessel filled with more than the world's share of torment.

    Memories of Frodo's smile and laughter, much like Frodo's own memories, become forgotten ghosts. Sam, too, has forgotten how to laugh, but at least he has memories of happiness. He would gladly give up those memories if it meant that Frodo could cherish something good.

    Sam can only guess what sorts of horrors Frodo is facing. And he knows that even his darkest guesses are nothing compared to Frodo's reality.

   He would give up everything - including his life - to return Frodo to happiness.

 

It feels like a dream when he sees Frodo smile again. He waits to wake up, and he wants to cry when he finally recognizes that this is reality.

    He dares to hope that maybe Frodo will smile more when they return home. But that hope is quickly dashed.

    Frodo withdraws within himself, shutting himself out completely from the world. He smiles seldom and almost never laughs, and Sam can see beyond the disguise of those smiles. He knows that they are facades to cover up his lingering pain and his growing anguish.

    He knows that Frodo will never talk about himself, which frustrates Sam greatly. Can't he see that Sam wants to help him? Can't he see that he has friends who care about him, friends that want him to be happy? Why won't he allow anyone to help him?

    And why does Sam know that nobody can help him?

 

Frodo gives no indication that he is leaving. He seems a little sadder than usual, but Sam sees nothing to make him worry.

    Sam's stomach sinks when Frodo gives him the news. He feels that he might faint, and then a gaping, heavy sorrow takes hold.

    He cannot think about what is best. He can only think about the unbearable idea of living many years, perhaps the rest of his life, without his friend.

    He does not want to sleep on the ride to the Havens. He wants to spend every last moment with Frodo, absorbing and remembering every last painful detail.

    The good-bye is the most painful moment of Sam's life. He doesn't want to let go of Frodo. He doesn't want to ride back with only two companions. He doesn't want to return to the home that Frodo saved if it means living there without the one who saved it.

    Once Frodo boards the ship, he turns back and smiles. And Sam sees reassurance. He sees a promise that his friend will be okay. And that makes the parting hurt just a little less.


End file.
